Tag Archives: Affair

Protect Yourself BEFORE Separating From Your Spouse

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In the heat of the moment, when things are going awry in your marriage, it’s hard to think clearly about all the practical, sometimes scary, aspects of separating from your spouse. If you have time, however, to safely slow down and make a practical plan before moving forward, here are some things to do before you begin the divorce process.

  1. Have you tried counseling?  Sometimes you just know that things are over. But if you have doubts and your spouse is willing, it can be so helpful to seek professional counseling, either together or separately. Even if your spouse is not willing to try therapy, it’s beneficial to go on your own. Having a neutral party to talk things over with, get feedback, and focus on what’s important for your well-being is invaluable. In my opinion, a good divorce lawyer with your best interests at heart will always encourage you to seek counseling, or even insist upon it in very tumultuous circumstances.
  2. Get to a lawyer ASAP.  Scheduling a consultation with a lawyer does not mean you’re obligated to hire that lawyer or move forward with a separation or divorce at all. It is simply a good idea to get as much information as you can, as early as possible. A lawyer can give you useful advice about protecting yourself, your children, and your finances before you leave the marriage. While friends who have been divorced are a good source of comfort and camaraderie, there is no substitute for sound legal advice.
  3. If you have had an affair, do not confess to anyone before talking to a lawyer. North Carolina is one of the states where adultery is illegal, and even more problematically, a jilted spouse can actually sue their spouse’s lover. Having an affair can cost you (and your paramour) substantially. It can also have drastic consequences on whether you or your spouse will be awarded alimony. If you have been unfaithful and have a guilty conscience, resist the urge to spill your secrets immediately. First, have a confidential meeting with a lawyer to discuss the possible consequences and how to handle them.
  4. Know what your assets are, and put yourself in a strong position to protect them.  First of all, if your spouse has been the one who’s in charge of finances, taxes, and investments, the best time to educate yourself is while you’re still living together. You and your lawyer are going to need to know about all of the property, assets, and debts that you and your spouse share. Don’t forget about insurance policies and retirement accounts. It is much easier and less expensive to find out by looking through paperwork in your own home, than to try to uncover everything during the discovery process of your divorce. Talk to your lawyer about what financial documents you should look for and gather for your case. Secondly, when you and your spouse do separate, keep possession of the things you want and need, like your car and at least a portion of the cash in savings. If you’re worried your spouse might sell anything valuable, like heirlooms or collectibles, keep them. Finally, make sure your lawyer knows about any real estate that you and your spouse own, and any belongings that do wind up in your spouse’s possession that you believe should not be. Your lawyer can help you take steps to recover your possessions and protect your real estate from being sold without your consent.
  5. Start preparing for your separate life.  Before you actually separate from your spouse, start assembling the basics that you will need to start your new life. Close or freeze joint credit accounts and block access to home equity loans. Close your joint checking and savings accounts and open separate ones. Change the name on utilities if necessary, and change the passwords on accounts that you no longer want your spouse to be able to access. Consider getting a post office box so you can securely receive mail from your lawyer, bank, etc. Again, think strategically and talk with your lawyer about ensuring that your transition will be as simple and well-handled as you can make it.

This list is not exhaustive by any means, but it should give you some things to think about if you’re considering or planning to divorce. Every case is different, so the bottom line with most issues is to talk to your lawyer about the best course of action.

 

GPS Tracking

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GPS Tracking

Another form of snooping that some suspicious spouses might be tempted to employ is placing a GPS tracking device on the spouse’s car to track his or her whereabouts.  But before you start fantasizing about spying like Jack Bauer (or Sydney Bristow, for the ladies), it is unclear right now whether this form of spying on your spouse is permissible.  On this subject, the law has not yet caught up with technology.

In US v. Jones last year, the Supreme Court addressed whether the government may use GPS devices hidden on vehicles to track the activities of criminal suspects.  The Court found that using such a device does constitute a search under the 4th Amendment, so police are generally required to obtain a warrant in order to place a GPS device on a suspect’s vehicle.

When it comes to you and your spouse, some lawyers disagree about whether the Jones decision would apply to using a GPS device to track a family member.  There is no law on this subject yet, and it is unclear how courts will rule.  In the family law context, the question boils down to two issues:  (1) ownership and (2) expectation of privacy.

Ownership

If you own the car, it is titled in your name, and you are not separated from your spouse, then you most likely have legal authority to install a GPS device on the car.  The same would be true if you wanted to track your spouse using a phone GPS app — if you own the phone, it is registered under your name, and you are not separated from your spouse, you can probably install the tracking app without being in any legal trouble.

Expectation of Privacy

If, however, you do not own the car or phone, it is not titled in your name, or you are separated from your spouse, then your spouse may very well have an expectation of privacy in his or her car and phone.  While North Carolina courts have not specifically addressed this issue, you should think twice about using GPS under these circumstances because your spouse may have grounds to sue you for several torts.  You could potentially be liable for money damages for invasion of privacy or trespass if you violate your spouse’s expectation of privacy.

Both technology and the law are constantly changing.  If you are thinking of using a GPS device to track your spouse, talk to a lawyer first about where the law stands at the time and how your actions might affect you and your legal position in the future.